Dear Yvonne,

My partner says I smell bad “down there”. I think I smell normal, no different than usual, and my nurse practitioner says there is no bad odor and that my vagina is healthy. I have had one other partner that also thought I smelled bad; otherwise, have not had complaints about my smell. What should I do? Every other area of our relationship is good, in fact, I’m wanting this relationship to continue. But this issue is seriously effecting us.

-Baffled

*****

Dear Baffled:

Everybody smells different, and some people do smell stronger than others. “Normal” has a very wide variation. If you’ve been seen by a health care provider who gives you a clean bill of vaginal health, your smell is totally normal, even if it smells different or even stronger than somebody else’s.

Similarly, some people will think you smell better than others do. You may also know a wide range of people whom you think smell nice or not. Some people may smell good to you even after they have run a marathon, whereas others wouldn’t smell appealing after a long, hot shower with the fanciest soap they could find. So it is possible that you don’t smell “good” to your partner. The two of you may like each other just fine and have a lovely time together, but for whatever reason, your smell just doesn’t work. What can you do about that?

There’s a few things that you could try. I’m just throwing out a list of possibilities here, not trying to read your partner’s mind or put words in his/her mouth. So my list is pretty much meaningless unless the two of you actually talk about the specifics of your personal situation. But some possible solutions to this issue may be:

• Incorporate hygiene into foreplay. Bathe or shower together so you go into sex as clean as you can be. If you’ve just come straight from a thorough washing, you can at least know you’ve made your body as clean as you can.
• Shave. As in, down there. Having less pubic hair holds less sweat in that area. This will give your skin’s normal bacteria less to digest and, therefore, put off less of a scent.
• Try some flavored lube. This could be a fun compromise for both you and your partner. You still get head, your partner gets something else to taste. Flavored lubes come in a variety of scents and tastes, so you can try several brands and find some you both like. Do read labels on lubes and make sure they are free of sugars or sugar alcohols (look for words like “sorbitol”), which may lead to yeast infections.
• Dental dams. These are thin sheets of latex that act as a barrier between your vulva and your partner’s mouth. You can also use plastic wrap in much the same fashion. This may reduce the amount that your partner can taste and smell you.
• Does your smell change over your cycle? Specifically, during or near your period, does the smell become stronger? You may want to explore a form of birth control that may decrease the number or frequency of periods you have. Mirena IUDs cause amenorrhea in at least 20% of users, and some birth control pills cause you to have fewer periods each year.
• Practice good general vaginal ecosystem hygiene: wear cotton undies, change them daily, avoid using harsh or scented soaps in that area, and don’t douche.
• Some foods or substances may affect your smell. Strongly flavored things, like coffee or spicy foods, could cause you to smell or taste differently. If you smoke or take other substances (like nicotine) that could affect taste and smell, you may want to reduce or discontinue their use.

Above all, communication is the most important thing in this or any relationship. It may be worth finding out if your smell is this really the issue. Is this your partner’s way of saying s/he doesn’t like to go down? Is it because of being embarrassed by their technique? Is it just not something they like doing on anybody?

Finally, here’s a brief list of What NOT to do to your vagina under any circumstances. They may sound like fine ways to tidy and freshen up your lady parts, but they are actually fine ways to give yourself an unpleasant infection:

• Doucheing. DON’T DO IT! You will wash out good, naturally-occurring bacteria and vaginal lubrication.
• Vagina mints. I wish I had made up the vagina mints, but I didn’t. Just like many regular breath mints, they contain sugar. Sugar + vagina = raging yeast infection for most people. Just don’t go there.

I hope this is helpful!

-yp

Posted on February 9th, 2010 by Jen
Filed under: ask_yvonne